Wedding Speech Order: Who Speaks, When, and for How Long

The traditional wedding speeches order is short and logical: the father of the bride (or whoever is hosting) speaks first and toasts the couple, the groom replies and thanks everyone, and the best man speaks last. The MC introduces each of them. Many couples now add a speaker or two, often the maid of honour or the bride, and that works perfectly well as long as the whole block stays under about half an hour.

The order matters less than people think. What guests remember is whether the speeches were warm, audible and over before the food went cold. Below is the traditional order and what each speaker covers, variations that suit South African weddings, sensible time limits, where to put the speeches in the evening and how to make sure the back row can hear.

The traditional wedding speeches order

The classic order comes from British etiquette. Debrett’s describes it as father of the bride, then groom, then best man. A maid of honour speech, the more recent addition, fits neatly after the best man.

The logic is that the host opens, the couple respond, and the friends close on a lighter note. If you keep that shape, you can change who’s actually holding the microphone.

How South African weddings change the order

The traditional order assumes that the bride’s parents host and pay. That isn’t always how it works now, and the speeches can reflect that. Variations that suit many South African weddings:

• The groom thanks both sets of parents. When both families and the couple themselves have contributed, the groom’s speech (or the couple’s) thanks everyone who helped, not only the bride’s parents. Our guide to who pays for the wedding covers how families split it today.
• A parent of the groom speaks too. Some families like the groom’s father or mother to welcome the bride into their family. That speech sits best straight after the father of the bride.
• Bilingual speeches. In a room of Afrikaans and English speakers, each speaker chooses a main language and says the key lines (the welcome, the thank-you to the parents, the toast) in both. Repeating every sentence twice doubles the length and halves the attention.
• A grace or blessing. If your family says grace before meals, ask a grandparent, a minister or a family elder to say it. The MC invites them before the starter, separately from the speeches.
• Family protocols. Where a wedding combines a white wedding with a traditional ceremony, the families may have their own expectations about who speaks, in what order and in which language. Customs vary from family to family, so ask both sides early rather than guessing. Our overview of South African wedding traditions is a starting point.

Modern variations that work

There’s no rule that says only men speak, or only three people. Changes that work well:

• The bride speaks, straight after the groom, or instead of him if she’s the natural talker of the two.
• The couple speak together. One joint speech of thanks and a single toast saves time and spares the shyer half from speaking alone.
• Both parents speak together, or the mother of the bride speaks instead of the father. See our father of the bride speech guide for how to split it between two people.
• The best man and maid of honour team up for one shared speech instead of two separate ones.
• Fewer speeches. Three good speeches beat six dutiful ones. Nobody has a right to a microphone because of their title.

Whatever you choose, tell every speaker the final order, so nobody prepares an opening thank-you that the person before them has already delivered.

How long should wedding speeches be?

Give every speaker a time limit in writing. Without one, a five-minute speech becomes twelve.

Debrett’s advises best men to aim for no more than five minutes, which is a sensible ceiling for everyone except perhaps the host. A comfortable speaking pace is roughly 100 to 150 words a minute, so a five-minute speech is about 500 to 700 words on paper. Ask each speaker to time themselves reading it out loud, slowly, at least once.

When should the speeches happen?

You have three realistic options, and each has a trade-off:

For most served dinners, splitting the speeches around the main course works best: the father of the bride after the starter, everyone else after the main. With a buffet, do the first speeches before the buffet opens, because nobody listens once they’re up and queuing. Our wedding reception order of events shows how this fits into a full running order with times.

Microphones and sound, especially outdoors

Every speech needs a microphone, even at a wedding of forty. The guest who most wants to hear the speeches is often the grandmother at the back, and she’s the one who won’t.

A few things make a big difference:

• Use a handheld microphone for speeches, held a hand’s width from the mouth and pointed at it, not waved around for emphasis.
• Do a sound check with the MC and DJ before guests sit down, at the spot where speakers will actually stand. Keep that spot away from the loudspeakers to avoid feedback.
• Mind the wind. On the coast in summer the afternoon wind can roar across an open microphone. Ask the sound supplier for a foam windshield, and have speakers stand with their backs to the wind so their bodies shelter the microphone.
• Mind the surf and the generator. Waves and engines both swallow quiet voices. Put the generator as far from the tables as its cables allow, and ask speakers to speak a little slower than feels natural.
• Use cards, not phones. Bright sun turns a phone screen into a mirror. Number the cards and clip them together, because the wind will try to take them.
• Light the speaker. If speeches happen after sunset outside, make sure the speaking spot is lit, for reading notes and for the photographs.

For more on sound outdoors, read about live music and amplified sound at beach weddings.

Briefing your speakers

About six to eight weeks before the wedding, send each speaker a short brief. It saves a lot of awkwardness on the night:

1. Their slot in the order, and who speaks before and after them.
2. Their time limit.
3. Whether they end with a toast, and to whom.
4. Topics already covered by other speakers, so three people don’t tell the same story.
5. The language or languages you’d like them to use.
6. Practical details: microphone type, where they’ll stand, and that glasses will be filled before the toasts.

Then point them to the right guide: the best man speech, the maid of honour speech and the father of the bride speech. Whoever is running the evening needs the final list too, so share it with your MC and read how to MC a wedding if that’s a friend doing it for the first time.

Putting it together

Decide who speaks and in what order, agree where the speeches fall in the evening, send the briefs, and give the final list to your MC, DJ and caterer. The caterer needs to know so glasses are filled before the first toast and waiters stay off the floor while someone is speaking.

If you’d like someone else to hold all of that together, on-the-day coordination covers it: the coordinator takes over your file about six weeks before, confirms every supplier, writes the running order and runs the day, speeches included. You can read more about Tarika’s wedding services.