How to Write a Best Man Speech: Structure, Tips and Example Lines

A best man speech has one job: to tell the room, in about four minutes, that the groom is a good man and that he’s marrying well. The jokes are there to carry that message, not to replace it. Get the balance right and you can be properly funny without anyone’s mother wincing.

The structure is simple. Introduce yourself, explain how you know the groom, tell one or two stories that show who he really is, say something warm about the couple, thank the hosts and raise a toast. Below is that structure with original example lines for each part, a guide to which jokes to keep and which to cut, and how to deliver it when your hands are shaking and the wind is trying to steal your cards.

Best man speech structure in five parts

Every example line below is a starting point. Swap in your own names, places and details, because a specific memory always beats a borrowed joke.

1. The opening

Start with your name and your connection to the groom. Plenty of guests won’t know who you are, and one light line here tells the room they’re in safe hands.

• “Good evening, everyone. I’m Sipho. I’ve known Daniel since Grade 4, which gives me twenty years of material and about four minutes to use it.”
• “For those who don’t know me, I’m the guy Daniel phones when something’s broken. Tonight is the first time he’s asked me to fix something by talking.”

2. How you know him

Keep this short. It’s context, not the story itself.

• “We shared a room in res for three years. I know how he takes his coffee, how long he spends in the shower, and that he still owns the same pair of rugby socks.”
• “We met on the first day of work, when he confidently showed me the way to a meeting room that turned out to be a storeroom. He’s been confidently leading me places ever since.”

3. One or two stories

This is the heart of the speech. Pick a story that shows something true about him (loyalty, stubbornness, generosity, a total inability to read a map) and make sure it lands on that quality. Funny on the way in, kind on the way out.

A story that works has a shape: a setup, one vivid detail, a turn, and a line that says what it shows. For example:

“When my car broke down outside Graaff-Reinet at two in the morning, I phoned three people. Two didn’t answer. Daniel didn’t answer either, but only because he was already driving. He arrived with a tow rope, a flask of coffee and no idea how to use the tow rope. That’s Daniel. He’ll turn up before he’s worked out how he’s going to help.”

One great story beats three average ones. If you have two, make the second one shorter.

4. The couple

Now turn from the groom to the couple. This is where you show you’ve noticed what his partner has done for him.

• “The first time Daniel told me about Mia, he spent ten minutes describing a hike they’d done before admitting he’d hated every step of it. That’s when I knew it was serious.”
• “Mia, you’ve made my best friend calmer, happier and, I’m told, the owner of a second towel. Thank you. We’ve been trying for years.”

Say something genuine about the bride, and say it to her, not about her. If you hardly know her yet, talk about the change you’ve seen in him since she arrived.

5. Thanks and the toast

Thank the people who organised and paid for the day, compliment the bridesmaids if the groom hasn’t already done it at length, then ask everyone to stand.

• “Before I hand back the microphone, thank you to both families for a wonderful day, and to the bridesmaids, who’ve kept the bride calm and the groomsmen on time. Only one of those was easy.”
• “Please stand and raise your glasses. To a man I’d trust with my life, and the woman he trusts with his. To Mia and Daniel.”

Keep the toast itself to one line, and say the couple’s names clearly so the room can repeat them. In a bilingual room, finish with “Op Mia en Daniel” or “Op die bruidspaar” as well, and ask an Afrikaans speaker to check your pronunciation first. The room will notice either way.

How long should a best man speech be?

Three to five minutes. Debrett’s, the British etiquette authority, advises aiming for no more than five minutes, and nobody has ever complained that a best man stopped too soon. At a comfortable speaking pace that’s roughly 400 to 700 words on paper.

Check your slot with the couple or the MC as well. The speeches may be split around the main course, so you may be speaking after the father of the bride and the groom have already done the thank-yous. Our guide to wedding speech order explains how the speeches usually fit together.

Humour that works, and what to cut

The rule that saves most speeches: if you wouldn’t tell it in front of his grandmother, it doesn’t go in. She’s in the room.

Humour that works:

• Gentle teasing about harmless habits: always late, can’t braai, packs for a weekend away as if he’s emigrating.
• Self-deprecation. Making yourself the butt of the joke is almost always safe.
• A story that starts embarrassing and ends with a compliment.
• A callback: a detail from early in the speech that returns in the toast.

What to cut:

• Exes, by name or by hint. Always.
• Anything from the bachelor weekend. What happened at the dam stays at the dam.
• Jokes about marriage as a trap, a sentence or the end of fun. They’re old, and the bride hears them as a jab at her.
• Inside jokes that need three minutes of background, or that only five people get.
• Swearing, sex and anything the bride might not know about.
• Jokes in one language that half the room can’t follow. Translate them or lose them.

If you’re unsure about a story, run it past someone who knows both families, such as the maid of honour or one of the groom’s siblings. Not the groom: it should still surprise him.

How to deliver it

Writing the speech is half the work. The rest is saying it well, often outdoors, after a long day, in front of people you’ve never met.

• Write it out in full, then shrink it. Once you know it well, reduce it to a few words per point on numbered cards. Cards are easier to hold than a phone, don’t glare in the sun, and don’t lock in the middle of your best story.
• Practise out loud, at least five times. Time it, and do it once in front of one honest person.
• Slow down. Nerves speed everyone up. Pause after a laugh until it’s nearly finished, then carry on.
• Keep the microphone at your mouth. When you turn to look at the couple, turn the microphone with you, or the room loses your best line.
• One drink before, not five. Debrett’s warns against drinking heavily beforehand, and anyone who has watched a best man lose his place twice would agree.
• Plan for the wind. At a coastal reception, clip your cards together and join the sound check at the spot where you’ll stand; our wedding speech order guide covers microphones outdoors.

If a joke falls flat, don’t explain it. Smile, say something like “That one was funnier at two in the morning in 2016”, and move on. The room is on your side.

Mistakes that sink best man speeches

• Opening with “I didn’t know what to say, so I looked it up.” The room can tell.
• Making it about yourself, or your friendship, instead of the groom and the couple.
• Barely mentioning the bride.
• Running past five minutes because the laughs felt good.
• Reading word for word with your head down, so nobody sees your face.
• Leaving your speech on your phone, with 4% battery, in the car.

Next steps

Find out your slot, your time limit and whether you’re expected to toast. Write a long first draft, choose your best story, cut everything else, and practise. Your other jobs on the day, from the rings to the signing of the register, are covered in our best man and groomsmen duties checklist.

If the maid of honour is speaking too, compare notes so you don’t tell the same story; our maid of honour speech guide has her side of it. For couples still planning the evening, Tarika’s on-the-day coordination includes writing the running order and running the day, so every speaker knows exactly when they’re on. If you’ve been asked to MC as well as speak, read how to MC a wedding, and see the father of the bride speech guide to understand what he’s likely to cover before you.