How to Write Your Own Wedding Vows (with Examples)

The simplest way to write wedding vows is in four parts: a line that names your partner and the moment, one small story that shows who they are to you, three or four promises you can actually keep, and a closing line you could say in your sleep. Keep the whole thing between one and two minutes, which is shorter than most people expect.

The rest of this guide covers how to make them sound like you rather than a greeting card: the right length, matching your partner’s tone, original examples in a few styles, delivering them when the wind is coming off the sea, and where they fit around the legal questions in a South African ceremony.

A simple structure for your wedding vows

Almost every set of vows that works follows the same shape. You don’t have to stick to it, but it stops you rambling.

1. Opening. Your partner’s name and a line about this moment. “Lindiwe, standing here in front of everyone we love…” is enough.
2. One story or detail. Not the history of your relationship, just one moment that shows who they are to you. The night the car broke down on the N2 and they turned it into an adventure. The way they still phone their gran every Sunday. One specific detail does more work than three adjectives.
3. Promises. Three or four. Mix the big ones (honesty when it’s awkward, looking after each other when one of you is ill) with one small, real one (making the coffee on Saturday mornings). The small one is often the line people remember.
4. Closing line. One short sentence to finish on, such as “I choose you, today and every day.” It tells the guests you’re done, and it gives you something solid to land on if your voice goes.

How long should wedding vows be?

One to two minutes each. Most people say their vows slowly, at something like the 100 to 125 words a minute of a comfortable presentation, so that works out at roughly 100 to 250 words. Write to the shorter end. Emotion slows you down, wind makes you pause, and you will stop at least once to look at your partner.

Agree on a rough length and tone with your partner before either of you starts. You don’t have to share what you’ve written, but if one of you speaks for forty seconds and the other for four minutes, or one is solemn and the other is doing stand-up, the mismatch is what people remember. A word limit is the easiest rule: “no more than 200 words each, mostly sincere, one joke allowed.”

How to write wedding vows, step by step

1. Start with questions, not sentences. Spend twenty minutes answering a few on paper. When did you know? What do they do that nobody else notices? What has been hard, and how did you get through it? What are you looking forward to?
2. Pick one story. Read your answers and choose the single detail that made you smile. Leave the rest for the speeches.
3. Write the promises in plain words. “I promise to tell you the truth, even when it’s awkward” lands better than “I vow to honour our sacred bond.” If a line sounds like it belongs on a card, cut it.
4. Cut by a third. First drafts are always too long. Remove anything the guests would need explaining.
5. Read it aloud, then read it to one person. One trusted friend, not a committee. Ask them two things only: is anything confusing, and is anything going to embarrass someone?
6. Finish a month before the wedding. Then leave it alone for a week and read it again with fresh eyes.

Example wedding vows in four tones

These are original examples. Borrow the shape, then change the details until they’re yours.

Classic and simple

Sam, today I take you as my husband. I promise to love you when it’s easy and when it isn’t, to be honest with you, to look after you when you’re ill and to celebrate with you when things go right. Wherever life takes us, I’ll be beside you. This is my promise for as long as we both live.

Warm and personal

Thandi, the first time I cooked for you, I burnt the rice, set off the smoke alarm, and you laughed so hard you had to sit down on the kitchen floor. That’s when I knew. I promise to keep making you laugh, even when I don’t mean to. I promise to listen properly, to say sorry first when I’m wrong, and to keep choosing us when life gets busy. I love you, and I’m so glad it’s you.

Light-hearted

Jaco, I promise to love you, to back you, and to stop pretending I know the way when the GPS loses signal. I promise to share the last slice of melktert at least half the time, and never again to say “it’s only a short drive.” Most of all, I promise that whatever happens, you’ll never face it alone.

Short, for nervous speakers

Mia, I love you. I promise to be kind to you, to be honest with you and to stand by you, whatever comes. I choose you, today and every day.

If one of you is more at home in Afrikaans, our Afrikaans wedding vows with English translations has examples in formal and modern styles. If you’d rather say the familiar words everyone knows, start with traditional wedding vows and add a personal line or two.

Do personal vows replace the legal part in South Africa?

No. Your own vows are a lovely addition, but they aren’t what makes you married. Under section 30 of the Marriage Act, a marriage officer who isn’t using a church’s approved formula must ask each of you, separately, to declare that as far as you know there is no lawful impediment to the marriage, and that you call everyone present to witness that you take the other person as your lawful husband or wife. You each answer yes, you give each other your right hands, and the officer declares you lawfully married.

Couples marrying under the Civil Union Act answer a very similar question, with “spouse” or “civil partner” in place of husband or wife. A minister who is a marriage officer may use their church’s approved marriage formula instead. Whichever applies, your marriage officer will tell you where your personal vows fit around the legal questions, and the exact statutory wording is in our guide to traditional wedding vows.

This is general information, not legal advice. Your marriage officer will confirm what they need from you, and our guide to the legal requirements for getting married in South Africa covers documents, witnesses and registration.

Saying your vows outdoors: wind, sound and cards

In a church, a nervous voice still carries. On a beach it doesn’t. On the Eastern Cape coast the wind usually picks up in the afternoon in summer, and the surf is louder than you’d think. A few things make a big difference:

• Use a microphone. A clip-on mic on the marriage officer, or a handheld mic they hold up to each of you in turn. Test it on the spot, at the same time of day, before the guests arrive.
• Cards, not phones. A phone screen is hard to read in bright sun, locks itself at the worst moment and looks, in the photographs, as if you’re checking messages. Write your vows on stiff card in large print and number the cards; thick card doesn’t flap like paper. The marriage officer or a bridesmaid can hold them until it’s your turn.
• Think about the wind direction. Your voice carries better when the wind blows from you towards the guests than when it blows into your face. If the setup allows it, use that.
• Slow down. Pause at the end of each promise. It feels too slow to you; it sounds right to everyone else.

For a beach ceremony we watch the wind and tide forecasts through the week before and set up to suit the day, and the microphone plan goes into the same running order. Our guide to wind, tides and weather on the Eastern Cape coast explains what to expect.

Mistakes to avoid

• Inside jokes. If half the guests would need it explained, it belongs in a private note, not the ceremony.
• Exes, past arguments or anything your partner told you in confidence. Vows are said in front of their grandmother.
• Promises nobody could keep. “I’ll never be grumpy” invites a laugh at the wrong moment. “I’ll always make it up to you” is honest.
• One long set and one short one. Agree on a length, even if you keep the words a secret.
• Writing them the night before. You’ll be tired, distracted and short of time, and it shows.

Next steps

Finish your vows about a month before the wedding, print them on cards, and give a copy to your marriage officer or coordinator so there’s a spare on the day. Decide with your officer exactly where the vows, the rings and any readings sit in the ceremony; our wedding ceremony order of service gives you a simple running order to start from, and wedding readings has ideas for the people you’d like to involve.

If you’re getting married on the coast between Gqeberha and Plettenberg Bay, Tarika’s on-the-day coordination starts about six weeks before the wedding and includes writing the running order, so your vows, readings and microphone cues are all in one plan.